Sunday, 30 October 2011

Jolly good day! life plans and such!

Good day had by all - met with good pals on two occaisions, weeny had excellent time dressing up as a witch - met little chums in the market square in Alnwick and went ont he spooky bus twice. Didn't win the  best witch and wizard competition but got a toffee apple anyway. She looked acce and has had her pic taken for the local rag - out on Thursday - will post pics as they are in the public domain anyway!  

Poor Biggles put his iphone clock back last night then the phone reset itself by a further hour. Big whoopsy. He is officer in charge this weekend so was late for work by 45 mins. Not good in the millitary.......ever. Am sure they will also take the proverbial big time however the invasion hasn't happen but still a big no no. He gets very stressed when this happpens - RAF is very important to him. He as a mill type does get stressed with things like this. Bless him. We were both up and pointed out the time to him by checking the telly then got out of the way as he went into hyperdrive finding keys - didn't even have time to drink his tea. I hate it when you are late puts you on a catch up for the rest of the day.

Chicken sundays dinner later - roast spuds, yorkshires, carrots and brocoli. And green fairy cakes with green icing and black spidery bits!  And a scary pumpkin to make.

I am anxious - weeny starts big school tomorrow ( nursery school she thinks its big school)  Early drop off with a new childcare provider. I shall hardly ever see her teacher unless the plan comes together..............

I have a plan involving social housing if I can get it.... I see the homelessness officer on Tuesday. If so may be able to reduce working hours to four days per week. I would really like to to do this so that I see more of Weeny who turns four in January before she begins first school and this wold also give me access to her teacher once a week- ideally Fridays! 

I can't afford it if I rent privately. If I rented privately I would be in a flat and thats a bit pants with a small child. She likes to play on her bike.

Also have Christmas practically in the bag!  Thanks to commerce of the ebay kind, the selling bags of old clothes kind and gold with some pennies left over.

Market square in Alnwick. The town I live in is rather nice.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

The weekend looms large..............

The weekend! Lots to do!

Biggles who is having a horrendous time at work - uber stress and me not being a happy bunny does not help. I don't give him too much of my crap but he knows how deep the shit is! He is not stupid. He is driven about work. Loves the queen and the raf!  ho hum.  Well he will be resident this weekend starting with tomorrow night. He is working all weekend keeping us safe and is also on call. Dashing hofficer that he is.. not!!! Yorkshire tyke more like!

Saturday we have swimming followed by a trip to Kingston Park tesco to meet ebay buyers and Auntie Gog- a dear old chum aka Georgia. We shall catch up and buy bread buns two cheap birthday party toys and some uniform for the first day at nursery school on Monday!  Then back to North northumberland to prer for out spooky night bus ride and witch competition. Biggles is joining us at this point after town we are back for a barbecue - last one in the house - unless it is pishing down!!! barbecue will be off on its journey to the tip/freecycle as I will not be taking it with me. Sigh - makes a great fire pit as well!

Sunday we have halloween crafts ! Pumpkin carving and the making of goblin cakes ( fairy cakes but in green with green and black icing and goblin poo - choc shavings to sprinke over the top/make into cobweb designs!

Missed out on the tickets for spooky tales at barter books - pity woudl have been  lovely.
   The old railway station is  home to Barter Books!

 Fabulous places to sit and peruse a book or twelve while you have a coffee and dogs are very welcome. Kids need to be kept under control howeverv :-)

Lots and lots of books - all second hand, collector editions,  general tat - its all there!

Shame - it really is worth a look if you are everNorth of Newcastle and a must if you like old books!

Should do more pics of where live - its rather stunning and has some cool nooks and crannies if you know where to go!

Meals for this weekend - (only really plan for when there are three of us- other wise weeny girl also known as Roo and I eat alot of sandwiches, chopped raw veg, beans , toast etc. Saves time and money. Weeny gets fed at nursery at about 4-4:30 so does not eat excessively in the evenings. Its more of a supper.)

Tuna and Cheese baked potatoes and salad
Burgers, buns salad
chicken sundays dinner on the cheap!

Lunches will be crumpets, beans on toast, cheese toasties with some salad veg and fruit.

Making fairy sorry goblin cakes on Sunday as mentioned - keep Biggles in snacks at work lol He is partial to a tiny little sponge in its own cake case with sugary icing and sweeties on top! lol  And you thought Weeny and I made them for fun!!!!  lol  She loves it! 

Enjoy Samhain - blessings be.  xxxxx Eeek

Weeny Super Brave!!!

Weeny had her pre school injections to day. She was well prepped in advance and had seen me having bloods taken. I am not squeamish . She was fascinated watching me. So when it was her turn to get two injections she was up for the challenge!!!  I didn't realise it was two in the leg one each! Twitched after the first one then was more twitchy for the second but no tears! Nurse was experienced and quick.

Smiley afterwards, looking for the blood spot - she had a tiny one in one leg so got to dab with a cotton wool ball.  Was very proud of my little toughy!!!

Bless her. I love her so much.

Happy pills started today. Waiting for them to take the edge off things. I have taken them before and hope they kick in soon.

Found it.... a good thing happens?? maybe more????

Found my ring today. old engagement ring from marriage years ago. nice - thought I had lost it. keeping it for weeny for inheritance jewellery type stuff. Turns out I was not as stupid as I thought I had been and had put it in a safe place after wearing it to a wedding do at the end of September. Found it and am chuffed.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

I caved...

Have a ddoctors appt tomorrow for happy tablets. I need them to focus and keep a lid on the anxiety. I will bite the bullet and admit it when one needs some chemical help. I am obsessing at night before bed if I am not watching telly to the small hours to avoid the obsessing that is , on fails- things I have failed to do. achieve etc etc I need to stop and focus and not care as much and I need some conjoured brain hormones to do it!

I also made an appointment to see the homelessness officer - next week see if I can get any help with a council house. I don't want to get rid of my old puss cats nor rent a rubbish flat from a slum lord.   Cheap housing will leave me with more money to pay off my debts and also  start to save and be nicer for weeny girl. Someoutside space would be nice. Not alot but a wee bit.

Ebaying still - some folk are strange. Have two items of furniture  that have been sold to highest bidder.. Collection in person stipulated on advert.  One has ignored me so I may give her a day and then relist. Another asked me to deliver as she claims her car is not big enough for items.  I was taking them half way to work and do not have time to drop off at random address's. made this clear to buyer- not at lunch time or after work and not at the weekend. 

One large item - the buggy I am taking half way as I want to go to tesco's and have combined it with meeting another buyer. So all in not a bad trip and justified by the £45 I will get. The other cheeky can sod off. Next time I shall be strict about collection/COD and state in big letters on the advert - no paypal no sale no collection no sale.  Some folks are just rude.

Monday, 24 October 2011

Good Peeps in the big bad world

 Unbeknown to me I dropped my phone. A lovely lady handed it in to the RSPCA shop. I was greeted at work by the receptionist anouncing that a friend had been on the phone to let her know that I had dropped my phone but all was well. Ahhhh  How nice. I was shocked adn surprised and very very glad!!!  I have the persons number and will be texting my thank yous.

Also using hte turn to us benefits checker if I rent privately I may be entitled to Housing benefit.  if this is right then this is good and very helpful. I could even look to reduce hours to 30 per week- not much differencce in money but hte quality time would be fantastic.My quandry is weeny girl. I do not want to move her to a new school then look to move her again as wherever I go I do not think I shall stay forever. Story not over yet I hope..... 

I need to check out the position re HB incase the website is wrong.  I have sources and maybe they can verify my calculations. I find CAB nortorioulsy crap at helping out with these things so will use other sources.

I can always pick up some extra work here and there given that there is a facility for  book by the week/day child care for 3yr+  Which is where she will be going in September 2012 after her wonderful though expensive day care nursery ends.

It will be less stressful moving her only when I have a definite plan re where to go and what to do.

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Am considering rentals in the Morpeth or Whitley Bay area. Both are cloer to work adn not horrendous areas. Not where I woudl choose to live but I don't have choice. I have options and pro and cons to be weighed up.

I need to source decent child care as well this is the bigger worry for me. It is such a major part of Weeny girls life that it needs to be good and she needs to be happy.

Other than thaqt I am really tired. I am not sleeping at the moment. I am still coming to terms with not have anything at all even a thousand pounds form the house sale and being left having to find two thousand pounds and having nothing to show for it debt.

I worry about  not being able to save for a new car - mine is 7 years old and I need a plan. I worry about my pension the fact that I only started it at 30 and do not earn a great deal to make it particularly comforrtable retirement.

I worry about house deposits - never having another one.  no investment no financial freedom unles I scrounge

Retraining not retraining - such a risk and realistically could I afford it or the time.

My epic family fail - a sibling for weeny would have been lovely for her. She asks as other mothers are reproducing at nursery.  Bless her lonesome. Some one to whinge about me to when she is older who understands where she is coming from.

Dragging weeny from home to home - this is her third home in so many years. whereever I move to will not be to settle. I don't know where the story ends anymore.

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Foul mood !

In a foul one despite trying to cheer myself up with some charity shopping.

Was very short with B who is now listening to football in the kitchen. Am still having ups and downs about my finances and how I will br left with less than nothing, having to move to rented accomm probably in an area that is not pleasant  for weeny to grow up  but we will have to move there just because it is cheaper/closer to work. 

Financially I am in more debt than I have been since I 'grew 'up ( late twenties when I stopped being a pratt with money). I feel it is unlikely that I will ever own another house or be able to pay off  a mortgage or have  a decent pension plan. So many things seem so so far away now. Retraining is out. I couldn't afford to move or will I have debt apid off by September 2012.  retraining will incurr debt too. I will be nearly 41 by the time I finish in 2013 and will have a financial mountain to climb.  

So all the opportunities I wanted to provide for my child are off the list. A roof over her head is probably the most I can do. Can't even give her quality time..... bless she will only ever have five weeks a year with me other weeks approx 3hrs per day.  Spoke to a woman at work who was explaining how good her daughter was at letting her self in to the house when she gets home from school. Her daughter is 11. I would liket o be able to do phonics with my daughter but by the time she gets back form day care she is too tired. Swimming, dancing in face anything during the week are all out.

The bti I hate the most is n being stuck. I am a doer. If I don't like something I change it or change me or make compromises. I have nothing to compromise on - I have no choices.  And the pill is bitter.

Brighter note - bargains had - denim jacket and tiger lilly top for weeny - for 3.47 all in. Me _ very funky spotty, flowery purple, red, yellow - sounds mad and it is - smock top type thing for 4.

Off to drool over houses that I shall never afford.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Heating fail!!!

No not the actual heating but the fact that it was put on . The Biggles came in with the weeny one before me and felt cold so the heating went on. It is off now so only about three hours damage done.  It will be on again tomorrow for a little bit as the B doesn't like the cold  and will be on again over the weekend most likely. Oh well at least I wasnt the guilty one!

Weeny and he had fish and chips. they will be eating pizza tomorrow night with garlic bread as I have a late night - do the job till its done night at work.

I had a cheese sandwich and some banana cake for tea. Suits me can't beat bread and cheese.

Night all a warmed up bed is a calling.

PS Sold a few more bits on Ebay - another thirty quid!  Not bad eh! So about sixty in total so far. May be squeeze about 100 in the end. With enviro clothes, gold sale and vouchers Weeny has a christmas! B doing all the grub which is lovely of him. I am rejecting all presents bar for weeny and shall refuse to open them if he does buy any. He has been warned. I am not buying a bean for anyone bar the weeny. Hmph! SO there.

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr Cold!! and how much do I hate Liz Jones!

Wrapped up - in bed with the walking talking hot water bottle. Austerity measures and body heat is free.  Shopped for £26 today. Got a few bargains - best being two breaded plaice fillets for 29p! In the freezer - I like yellow stickers.

I built up the cot and the crib to check that I had all the bolts - easier than I thought as bolts were all mixed up - another job done, Ebay parcel sent off.

over all reasonalbly productive.

Heard that one of the biggest employers in the county Alcan Rio Tinto who employ 650 people are hot footing to cheaper climes.   Rio Tinto - power station and aluminium smelting works.  Power station may have a buyer but not the smelter. Thats alot of people and a lot of breadwinners who will be out of a job imminently. Basically yes we still need aluminium but its not profitable enough to make in this country due to the environmental regulations so Rio Tinto is hot footing it to somewhere cheaper to make just as much pollution but not make amends for it. Its just not profitable enough!  Profit profit! Who does this keep in quails eggs and caviiar??? Not the smelters or engineers who work on the shop floor. Their wages keep food in mouths and roofs over heads.  Greed and profit don't ys just love big business????? Bugger the environment and sod the  little people- rich shareholders who want another holiday villa/chateau  rule. So many families effected and where will they get jobs for the same salary????   Not locally thats for sure.

Liz sodding Jones ala Daily Mail - she generally annoys me and I find her whinny self indulgent  vacuous and I have an urge to throw cow dung at her. What is the point of this women???  Thank God she stays within the confines of the Daily Mail and only ventures out on to our screens/other papers sporadically.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Broke my ebay cherry as a seller!

Am finally with the programme adb have made £28 already - am liking this muchly!  I wait with baited breath to see what follows.....

Will car boot if they do not sell with a few other things but hopefully....

B and I got a bit sad about the selling of the baby equipment but we know its a shot inthe dark and I cannot afford to store or move them with me on the off chance. Its all good stuff- some thingswhen I had money I didn't scrimp on,  thinking they would get much use and at least a second outing oh well.

We are ok and waiting and seeing how the long distance and the move thing works out.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

One of the days activities - the one we will be going to!!!

Saturday 29th Event in Market Place 6pm - 8pm ( cut and pasted)
Best Witch Competition in Market Place
Toffee Apples, Roast Chestnuts, Roast Sand-Witches! Hot Dogs (or Cats!!) Hot Doughnuts.
Ghost Walks for families and later for adults.... - "click for details" ( this is pricey so will not indulge)
Ghost Bus - Saturday to do tours around the town pick up next to Market Place 5.30pm - 6pm, 6.30pm, 7pm, 7.30pm. (Times and fares to be confirmed)
Craft Fair all day in Northumberland Hall between 10.30am and 5.30pm

Barter Books - Saturday 4.30pm to 5.30pm Spooky Stories for under 10yr's. Tickets only, (free!) available from Barter Books Tel. 01665 604888 website

Not a bad journey to drop off Weeny when I pass this every day just the rest of the A1 that stinks!

Mid October!

Spent the day after swimming sorting through cupboards - we have the enviro clothes pile, the car boot pile and the eBay pile.  I have also looked out gold to sell.

I have given Weeny's cot to a friend I could have sold it but it meant alot to me so I gave it to someone who would appreciate it.

I have £15 in survey  vouchers put to one side.  Hopefully these  combined with the selling endeavours should cover Christmas for weeny girl. I shall not be purchasing anything other than for weeny for Christmas. I shall not be sending cards or presents to anyone. Tough boobies! Others should understand that there will be no coffers left over after moving and I will not do unnecessary debt.

Putting hopes and dreams to rest and its ok..... Not just the financial ones but the personal also. Clearing out stuff like cots today was not as bad as I thought it would be. Time is up for me. Weeny is my only focus now.


We looked out our ghosty stuff. Alnwick has some activities on over Halloween weekend - spooky bus rides on an old dreadnought bus around the town, t(he castle and town can be rather spooky), stories in Barter Books - a massive second hand book shop in the old disused station and a competition for best witch and wizard in the market square. We had a trial run to day with the outfits which inspired weeny to watch Shrek 3 ( has lots of witches in it) and Harry Potter 1.  She wanted to sleep in her witch outfit.. ahhhhh bless.  All the activities we are doing are free btw which is ace.

We had curry - homemade and left enough to freeze for mummy's lunch next week. The thermostat is showing 16.5 degrees,Heating is set for 15 which I think is a little high.  Only when it drops below 13 degrees do I feel can I justify heating. Both of us manage fine with blankets and cardies at the moment.

We also harvested our paltry carrot crop  - rubbish but fun to exhume!!

Biggles doing a 22 mile walk with some military buddies  dressed as a woman,  all for charity. He will spend the weekend very very inebriated. Been a bit distant from B recently. Am finding it difficult to see a future... maybe this will pass.  I just do not  see a time when we can be together or when I will have the funds to be able to visit him. He will be away for minimum of two years then who knows where. I need to make my debt a priority then look at ways to become more financially secure for weeny..... I don't see how 'we' him and I fit into each others life plan anymore long term. Sigh hopefully this will pass. Weeny adores him. She will miss him terribly when he goes to London and I really don't know how I would handle it with her if he was not going to be part of our lives anymore.

Not making decisions just struggling with 'us' at the moment, what that means given me being absolutely totally 100% broke for the foreseeable future.  He knows something is up - I turned down the walk today( civvies allowed)  and also  have made excuses about him staying over when he normally would have. Needed some thinking time.

Que ser whatsits eh!

Friday, 14 October 2011

So they came back with 86k. I am taking it an drunning. Will still accrue debt to the tune of approx 2k. It may get worse and I cannot take that risk. At least I can leave with my credit rating intact and the possibility of another mortgage in the  future..... probably not but hey whats wrong with housing association????

Well some of them.....

I am downabout the loss of money and time with weeny girl. I coudl have opted for part time work and mothered her full time rather than three hours a day which is the approx amount of time I spend with her each work day.

I have put most of my goals away accepting that they are not I to be. Not as if I wanted to clinb everest owning of some sort, re training, more than one weeny, financial investment and security etc etc

I can do nothing till I clear the extra debt I shall accrue from selling and moving, solicitors, short fall etc etc. 

We are swimming tomorrow morning then I have a plumber making an appearance to remove taps and sillicone the bath - no more weeny girl overflows or splashes and the downstairs ceiling should hold till I sell.

I have a survey of the house on 24th = am hoping it does not show any faults or bring the price down at all.

I have completed my social housing applications and hope these turn up something soon. renting privately is not great and expensive. I may enquire about any empty houses on the college agricultural site estate.

Am clearing out clutter tomorrow as well - what is to be sold, booted, ebayed etc, enviroclothes.....  Shoudl have quite a bit to get rid of.


Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Have extended the mortgage till I am 75... sigh. reduced mortgage payments by 80 so that helps a bit. Will change estate agents and remarket on 13th December. Maybe buyers will stick around.

Who knows.............. in the meantime its frugal frugal. I already feed and clothe us both for 160 pcm.

I think bugger it - will work term time when I move into social housing. Oneday willhappen at least then I can look after weeny girl properly rather than chuck her out to daycare. Thats the annoying bit - the lost time all for nothing, no security no investment, no option of starting again.

heating - have not had th eheating on so far and plan to keep going as long as possible. blankets it is!!1

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

coming to terms with the fact I am in the financial mire and shall never recover.

Doing my sums - looking at rentals, social housing etc etc  Reason being .. I have had an offer eon the house. 84k.  The estate agent is aware the least I can take without being left with debt is 86763.90. This means I will still have to pay for my moving costs/solicitors. Hey when you are out of pocket by 15k then its small fry.

I cannot take 84k. I wil lthen owe the best part of 3k on top of my other debts.

I wait with baited breath - I can do £86  just. adding to my deficit by 763.90. Estate agent are shite - they know my limits and are encouraging me to take the 85k ( increased by 1kby vendors)

I shall never have another property - no deposit. All gone. I will not be able to return to uni to retrain - no money. I will not be able to consider term time working - minimal mothering.

Great eh ! Applying for housing associations and the council just in case they decide to take the 86k

Debt - great!  I thought you were supposed to  have something to show for your excesses. If I did it would be a sweeter taste left after the bitter pill.

Monday, 3 October 2011

Well the second time viewers had an offer accepted on another ouse so they didn't come for their viewing.
My house sale has dropped to 80k to try to stimulate some interest. This is 18k under what I paid. I need at least 88k to pay estate agent and mortgage. I would then still have to pay for a solicitor. I would be free but would have nothing.

I am not hopeful of anything happening anytime soon. The nights are drawing in. Christmas is only two pay checks away for folk who are paid at the end of the month.

I need to contact the mortgage company to ask them to allow me to start making interest only payments again.   They are sending a form.

Even then who knows how long I can manage for?? Any unexpected  bills and I am buggered,

I hate my job. It is rapidly becomming clear that we are under stafffed and the tasks we have been given is ridiculous. Compared to to other colleges we have a ridiculous amount of work to do with a tiny team.

I hate the hours away from weeny girl - I have missed her babyhood, toddlerhood. This is time lost I shall never get back and everyday more slips away from me. She begins proper school next September.

The payoff for working and missing this was investing money in a house becomming more finanically secure before I could reduce my hours to term time. I am on reflection upset and angry very angry about this. Its losing the time with her  that I am really angry at.  I could have stayed in rented accomodation  and had more time with her.  More time with my daughter. My only daughter.

My petrol costs are crippling. I spend more on petrol than I do on food.

No money, no security and I have lost the most precious time of all.

I feel as if I am waiting to sink. My disposeable income after everything is £6. Some bills - car insurance, utilities all increased, petrol has increased. I pay more council tax now that I am working full time again. I owe more money to friends and on a credit card than I have ever done before - 5k approx. No interest on any of it at the moment. I have 17 months to pay the credit card. I can reduce B 's repayment but would prefer not to.

I need to focus on what I can do however the motivation to tart the house up for it to be sold at a much lower price - making a significant loss - is nil. I have no money to replace carpets, do DIY.

My windscreen has a crack in it and this is another £60 to replace. ( Excess).

Biggles moves to London for work in  8 1/2 weeks.  Will really miss him. Its great just knowing for example that there is someone there for  weeny if my car breaks down.  He can usually help but London is a bit far away. Will see him most weekends but thats not the same.