Saturday, 17 September 2011

Haven't managed to do the gas bill yet. difficult to get an enthusiasm for anything at the moment. apart from stuff with weeny but even that is difficult sometimes.

I kind of caved with the ex. He came to the pool to collect her. She was tired as had had a bad night with her eczema and rubbing her eyes after touching the cat - never good makes her eyes swell up. . She wasn't happy and given the crap of the past few weeks it was to be expected. Anyway  encouraged her to go with the provision that if she would not settle then ring me and I will get her. It happened he called, I went. I used the opportunity to speak civilly with ex -  GF not to be seen was at work. HE rang as agreed. fair dues. He does this and puts her first that's fine. Agreed to return to simply one night a weekend. he knows how demanding Weeny can be - at 3/4 they still need a lot of input especially when they are on their own. Older kids just not the same to play with.

We will go back to that. He doesn't want to do the early morning swimming for the sake of a quiet life till I move i will drop off after swimming.  We agreed it with provision that if I have to go away and its his weekend may consider doing full weekends as a one of case by case basis but that he doesn't have to do swimming lessons. He is a lazy tosser.

I really need to move soon. This house needs to go for whatever I get as long as I have no debt I shall be happy.

Am thinking Scotland would be best for Weeny due to family. Not great for me and work opp's or  B for commuting to where ever at weekends.

I really don't know how much longer I can last financially or otherwise doing this. Too much stress. I need to be settled somewhere. For good. With for good in mind Scotland makes more sense.

I want come calm some equilibrium back. inner calm to know where I am going in life physically and spiritually.