Saturday, 22 October 2011

Foul mood !

In a foul one despite trying to cheer myself up with some charity shopping.

Was very short with B who is now listening to football in the kitchen. Am still having ups and downs about my finances and how I will br left with less than nothing, having to move to rented accomm probably in an area that is not pleasant  for weeny to grow up  but we will have to move there just because it is cheaper/closer to work. 

Financially I am in more debt than I have been since I 'grew 'up ( late twenties when I stopped being a pratt with money). I feel it is unlikely that I will ever own another house or be able to pay off  a mortgage or have  a decent pension plan. So many things seem so so far away now. Retraining is out. I couldn't afford to move or will I have debt apid off by September 2012.  retraining will incurr debt too. I will be nearly 41 by the time I finish in 2013 and will have a financial mountain to climb.  

So all the opportunities I wanted to provide for my child are off the list. A roof over her head is probably the most I can do. Can't even give her quality time..... bless she will only ever have five weeks a year with me other weeks approx 3hrs per day.  Spoke to a woman at work who was explaining how good her daughter was at letting her self in to the house when she gets home from school. Her daughter is 11. I would liket o be able to do phonics with my daughter but by the time she gets back form day care she is too tired. Swimming, dancing in face anything during the week are all out.

The bti I hate the most is n being stuck. I am a doer. If I don't like something I change it or change me or make compromises. I have nothing to compromise on - I have no choices.  And the pill is bitter.

Brighter note - bargains had - denim jacket and tiger lilly top for weeny - for 3.47 all in. Me _ very funky spotty, flowery purple, red, yellow - sounds mad and it is - smock top type thing for 4.

Off to drool over houses that I shall never afford.