Sunday, 28 August 2011

Weather changed plans

No scarecrows as the weather was awful! Weeny stayed in and player with the little girls form next door - they had a great time. Even went all of 30 50 yards to the park on their own. ( The oldest girl is 6 nearly 7 and the park is so so close and at the back of married quarters so  pretty safe - no one has reason to go onto thte estate unless they are visiting - no throughfare.

We will do scarecrows tomorrow.

Weeny doesnt want to go to  his next week.  We have talked about it. I have gently questioned. she has been upset by last weeks goings on. He really needs to sort this out. He should talk to weeeny about it and his troll beast needs to explain as well and not slag me off in the process as this will not help my poor little one to feel better and understand. he needs to listen t her when she wants to come home and not try to coahc her or cajole her into anything. I am still angry about it but am much more rational now. Never told weeny what was mean't by the 'naughty things' that were said. Thought better of it - no need for her to know.

We wil find out on Thursday whether we should keep on trying to procreate. Have had the gammut of tests so truth will out. Poor B. I am not hopeful . I reckon I am past it.

Loooong weekend...

Swimming = £78!!! Oh well she is worth it and the skills she will learn are valuable and will last a lifetime.

Flat tyre - have called  roadside assistance to change it- might as well I pay for it and never use it! Will have to buy a new sodding tyre however. grump grump grump!!!!

Off to scarecrow festival. I will take juice but will indulge in cake and sausage rolls - home made and reasonably priced and to support he village green/hall etc etc Need to purchase a cup of tea at least. Only fair the villagers put in so much effort.

Tomorrow - will be a house day - lots to organise for next week. We are out and about on Tuesday doing bits and bob.

Friday Weeny and I  went to Durham to see chums and to scope it out as a possible place to move to /invest in if as and when I sell this house. Sigh.... potential- cheap, greenish not as pretty as northumberland but not bad at all.

Also we had our hospital appt -and are seeing consultant on 1st September see what we have to play with in the breeding department. Can help us make decisions re houses, money, careers etc etc  we have to much happening at the same time.

 Mediation request sent out. My gut churns every time I think about next weekend......any contact/conflict with the drongo ex and the she drongo and feel like pants. Weeny not that bothered so far and has not used the d word at all.

When have talked she is still not happy that I didn't come and get her like I promised I would.

See what happens.....

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Saturday morning swimming lessons!!

Weeny will be a duckling! Saturday morning slot is now free!!! I am so looking forward to it!!! Only half an hour between 8:30 - 9am but should be great. She loves the water. Got a call out of the blue from the leisure centre. Ok so its another early rise but well well worth it.

We sort out dates and payment next week.  not cheap but worth it!

Away to Durham for the evening tomorrow with weeny. B is working this weekend :-(. All sodding weekend.  We have a hospital appointment tomorrow but a bit pointless really given the house situation and that his new posting starts in December.

Sigh enjoy whilst we can.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat!

Always in the shit only the depth varies!

Mediation referral in!
Cheque from Scottish power received.

Weeny got docs tomorrow. Also need to bite the bullet and get her name down for a nursery school me thinks. Want her to start asap prob too late for September now.  Won't be the RC school that I really want due to lack of child care  for after school. 

House dropped with old estate agent- might as well get the best out of them. Other agents are positive-  checked out a third agent re price and that should drum up interest.

Can only wait and see.

Need to get on with electrical stuff and decorating. before carpet dude on Tuesday. I may not make camping again with Weeny this year. Oh well we have a caravan week in September.

Bank hols-  we are off to the scarecrow festival in Rennington.  We catch a dreadnaught vintage bus - the scarecrow express to Rennington. This means driving to Alnwick to leave the car to catch the bus to a village only a few miles away from where we live.  Weeny loves the bus, or trains - haven't tried trams yet next time we are in Sheffield.

I like the latin quote it sums up my year.- nearly a year since made redundant and the shit really hit the fan.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Mind change

Will revert back to once a fortnight on a saturday till sunday - same old and do as always did with proviso of mediation. Also will not be dropping off - will meet half way prob Warkworth by the ducks. Still doing mediation and moving as soon as possible.


Am going to offer mediation to the Sperm Donor.

I am happy for weeny to:

1. Stay alternate full weekends with the proviso of flexibility if  she has special play dates, parties etc etc particularly if he happens to be working or attending a special function and her sister is not there. I count a derby football match as ok many would not but I get how important it is to him and others who are football fans. A cup game unless it was a final or semi would not count. i am happy to be flexible on date changes or reductions for what ever reason. Doesn't have to be one for me. I am a mother.

2. Weekday contact - have always been happy for this but he has said no. She is in child care till 6pm everynight. he could pick her up anytime and I can collect her. if would also solve the after school activities thing - he could take her to swimming lessons. Most dads would be happy to watch their child learn to swim.

3. I also want the open critiscism of me ( and Biggles)  in front of the chidren to stop. The girlfriend's son hears it and tells Weeny that his mum and Sperm Donor are saying naughty things about me and B. This MUST STOP. We do not and never have done this. B is an expert in this having had step parents and not having contact with his father and going through a messy divorce as a child and has insight. He is very stong on what not to do and also his role in weeny's life. He is very secure in that he has a special relationshp with her that is their own- not mine, not sperm donors but theirs.

I will offer contact in a neutral place - soft play. I am happy to leave them for an hour or more for one to one contact and her sister is invited of course . I will FB message sisters mum  to see if they want to meet up but I know this may get her into trouble and annoy him so may not happen.

Bless B . He is just lovely. After my estate agent fees and issues he posted a cheque through my door for £300 to be added to the interest free loan. I cried. I am very lucky.

Got a good progesterone level - okish 54???  So will take that to specialist on Friday .

Feeling much happier after rant and more in control.  House hopefully will sell asap and new chapters can begin. If this happens  and I move to an hours drive away will still accomodate contact of some sort some how.

Also made contact with my sister. We fell out a while ago and probably will never be the same but life is too short and her fab daughter got ace GCSE results - IGCSE's come out earlier than normal GCSE's as they are international!  All A's and A stars except the B for Malay 1 mark from an A and a C grade for Additonal maths which was very theory maths and was an extra IGCSE.

Monday, 22 August 2011

Just annoyed now...

Feather spitting, gurning, hand wringing, fist punching, door slamming anger has subsided. I rang CAFCASS to see where we are at legally - that meaning Weeny and I. Was very positive. Am not doing the next weekend due to happenings and also that when I have asked weeny a few questions I am getting answers I am not happy with. I will suggest mediation but I cannot pay for it. £80 a session. I cannot afford that at all. Times are desperate.After which I will happily do court. I have always had my suspicions that the other family pass derogatory comments about Me and Biggles. Weeny;s  responses  also suggesting that this happens.

Dropped house price to 90k offers in the region of!! I have kissed away 8k pretty much. Oh well as long as we move and sette d then ......

Sunday, 21 August 2011

I hate women!

Grrr Another thing to add to the list!! Well some women- the type that stick their noses in where it is not needed. The SD has a girlfriend - has hadd one for a while. Not a problem till she starts making demands re access. Sperm Donor never that bothered before he had little miss house frau to keep his kids amused. Used to drop them off at his mothers. now that there are two old harridiens wanting her time things have changed.

This weekend.  Weeny Girl was asked  on a play date. As it was the Sunderland Newcastle Derby I  suggested taht she not go for the full weekend only Saturday. HE would not be their anyway. He bleated on and I talked her out of it and into wanting to go to his.  Felt bad as I thought her sister would be there. Anyway turns out she wasn't and was on  holiday. I felt a little agggreived by this. Asked who was looking after her. No reply. Anyway got very annoyed.  Sent some accusatory and insulting text messages. No reply went to pick her up. The girlfriend stuck herr nose in and threatened solicitors etc etc as 'everything seems to happen on her weekend' Err no parties and invites just happen. Anyway after being threatened will not be taking weeny back till he comes round here and we discuss things.  She is not threatening me again or judging my parenting.

Just not going to happen. Sorry to be a bitch but will fill up weeny's time with exciting things and playdates on purpose now.

He never bothered before she turned up and that suited me. If he was parenting fine but this is driven by her and I outrank her when  it is his weekend and he is not available as he has work or a season ticket or social event. I work all week and leave her mon- fri = 8am - 6pm. Time is precious and the girlfriend can take her place at the back of the queue.

Not happening again.  What should I say to weeny if she asks why??? I am split between tempered honesty and just putting it off and saying he is on a long holiday?? How about the temered honesty - Lorraine doesn't like mummy and its best that we don't see each other.  Daddy loves you vey much though he can't see you at the moment.  One day he will come and play with you at your house??? Dunno it really doesn't sit well not letting her see her Dad.

They can do solicitors - I can't get one can't afford it. He will as he is seelf employed and will cook the books and get legal aid. I have been told just to ignore most of it- speak to caffcass when needed. Court not an option as I cannot get a babysitter or cannot get  the time off work.

She will do it I get that feeling. 

am going to pay up tomorrow and get house on market with alternative solicitors. Have had enough - bloody bitch - go have her own baby with him. FFS!

Saturday, 20 August 2011

I may be forced to concede the next battle......

I may have to give in with the estate agents. You leave you pay basically.  I really do not know where I will find 300 from to get away from Your Not Moving estate agents. I have sent a letter of complaint  as I feel like I am actually doing more to sell my house than they are! I initiate price reductions, home improvements with no feedback form potential buyers etc  I have also threatened the ombudsmen and have also found many poor reviews of YOUR MOVE estate agency.

I wait with baited breath! Doubtful anything will sell now untill I pay my way out of the shitty contract. They really do make me mad. Its not good being so pissed with a business when you live in a small town. Its not personal but living in a smalltown makes you more accountable and more vigilant or it should do as you cannot get away from your clientele!

Hmmm what to do next... If I pay the 300 I cannot afford carpets. My meagre savings are being pillaged as it is. I have asked if they do payment plans- doubtful.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

One small battle won!

I am getting my £54 back from Scottish Power!  Had a rubbish phone call and email from them and thought that was it. I was sorting out my mothers utility bills ( she rents out her house as she is in a home and has dementia) and in conversation with SSE asked what their policy was re meter change form E7 to standard. Well NO CHARGE! Then thought would check with Npower - also no charge. Rang back SP and was put through to higher level of complaints - I mentioned  making official complaint to offer/ofgas. Turns out they can drop charges if they feel it is feasible. My complaint also now including  that advisers tell untruths to customers - lies seem abit harsh as they are only doing/saying what SP have told them. I have in an email - two emails  SP stating  all other utility companies charge - WRONG. And have also been told by now three advisers from SP that all other utility companies charge.  I may also still send a complaint into the regulatory bodies as their claims are untrue and many people would believe them.

Am still changing companies and will look at Npower asap once I have received meter and refund.

Estate AGENTS - Grrrrrr Big battle looming - I have an alternative estate agent lined up - they will market aggressively and advertise to cover mortgage and costs etc however will only accept offers above using the Scottish model. They offer three months to sell then a no fee get out clause. However YOUR MOVE have a 300 Pound fee if you decide to not sell your house anymore/change estate agents  even after a year of no viewings and no offers.   I have asked for clarification re how long they can do this for. Stubborn me would if given the opportunity of taking say for eg a three month hiatus  of selling marketing oct. nov, dec when sales are notoriously slow as a get out clause rather than pay them 300 for nothing!!!  I am waiting for their response to my email. Buggers!!!

Other than that - back to work. Will be leaving later and back to the 5pm finish when term starts.  Took weeny for fish and chips tonight  well Biggles did - He snaffled some home made sausage rolls and cheesy puffs at lunch time.  Weeny has some of my food - fish and chips so costs kept down - lovely. She fell asleep after in the cafe on my lap bless her.

She had such fun on Wed playing with her two friends form next door- she was so so excited to have chums to play at her house!! Hyperventilating nearly!!! She has her other family this weekend. Hmm its supposed to be a full weekend however I know he is off to the Sunderland Newcastle Derby match so it will just be Saturday night. Weeny can play with her chums from next door on sat morning. B  has been ordered to get that machine of his on the road if the weather is nice!! He has missed out a great deal on biking this year due to the shite weather.  I shall make headway with the painting. Its easy enough - paint sponge and magnolia! Maybe some lavender for weeny girls room!!

After that came home and straight to bed- she is next to me. I care not a jot what the super nannies say- its my time and I chose!!!

Good things
Beans from the garden - to be eaten with chicken breasts and potatoes and gravy and Yorkshire puds on Sunday.

Melon and mint sorbet - dead simple recipe also for Sunday

Cheap puff pastry reduced for quick sale - hence the sausage rolls

A cheap camp site sourced in the Scottish borders - £5 PPPN no charge under 5!!! including car!!!
Tibie Shiels St Marys Loch

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Back from the lakes! Cheeky energy company!!!

We are back having have a nice time.  Campsite was fine- a bit posh for me but reasonable given its proximity to Keswick ( £20 per night for the three of us plus car.)   The average tent was huge!!! We have a four man tunnel  which is 160cm at its highest point.  There were some massive tents for only two people. It wasn't as friendly as some of the more basic sites I have been to like Gibside farm in Ullswater.
I shall endeavour to do more rough camping! ok rougher camping. Ate cheaply, lots of camp site meals and snacks!!! Biggles paid for the lake cruise as he could not be bothered to row!!! His choice!!!  weeny happy with troll hunting in the woods, a play park. The site also had goats, shetland ponies and pot bellied pigs.

Miffed again - Scottish power have tried to write off my complaint with a ridiculous email informing me that I have an econ7 meter. No you don't say! I am expecting a call back and will be very angry on the phone and request an explanation and also the contact details for the offer fgas body!

Other than that - I am still yearning for a simpler life with time to parent my child. Well time to see her  when neither of us are tired or grumpy would be nice.  New estate agent round tomorrow after dentist and doctors.

I really do not want to spend another christmas in this house.  I cannot afford christmas but that's another story.

I met an ex colleague today - she asked how I was, where I was working etc   She was all how lovely - that's really good . What I actually wanted to say was no its not lovely. I am away from my little girl and am missing her grow up. I shall never get this time with her  back. I hate it. If I was making a liveable wage and could afford perks then there would be some payoff.  I am not making a reasonable wage. There are no perks which ,make missing my precious child's early years bare able and I am balancing precariously upon the financial equivalent of striding edge. 

And I have to clean this sodding house again!!!! FFS

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Utility companies GRRRR

Have had the central heating installed!!! Sigh - upstairs hall carpet ruined so expense ahoy.   Decided not to get an extra radiator in the bathroom - spoke to a plumber who advised better off getting an extractor fan to deal with the condensation ( a radiator woudl have been a great compliment but I need to choose as funds will not allow everything)  I need a sparky to disconnect the  two remaining storage heaters anyway.

Have seen some cheap carpet and as I do not intend on staying it suits my purpose. But even with this there is underlay and trimmings to include!!!

Scottish Power!!! Eurgh 

Thankfully I knew I needed to change meters from econ7 to normal meters once gas fitted given the price differences however No one has advised me of this!!! Terrible of the company not to make sure this happens. Day time units are more expensive that normal units however night time units are cheaper but I only ever used night time for heating and washing machine. I work so am out all day most days! The E7 would have cost me a lot more to keep generall despite my little fascist utility companies profit policy and price hike!"""

Gas meter was fitted free of charge!!! However when I rang to ask about getting the electricity meter changed there is a charge of £54 to be paid up front!! The rationale is there is nothing wrong with the meter so I need to cover the expense/ Err what I want to do is change the product I purchase!!! I understand if you want to change from a prepayment to a normal  meter and back again etc  and it becomes ridiculous but to charge a customer who just wants to effectively purchase a different product from the company is ridiculous. I am looking for dual fuel and not E7 anymore.  If they are happy to fit new meters for free then why not take the old one away for free...leaving a more appropriate one in its place. Meters are their property we use them. Now their product/property is no longer fit for purpose and as such should be their responsibility to change it.

I was fuming on the phone, sent an email of complaint and also plan on finding out where else I can go to complain. Shoddy customer service if you ask me. They can come out for free at awkward times to fit a new meter then why not the old meter? Why couldn't it have been done at the same time?????

ABSOLUTE you know what thieves!!!  I am going to start a FB group in their honour!!! And also complain to offer or who ever the regulatory body is!

Off for a few days to a field somewhere to play about under canvas.  And here was me thinking I was saving money again.... then smack another bill creeps out of the shadows! Grrrrrrrr

Monday, 8 August 2011

Bloody Housing market

OK B leaves for next posting on 5th Dec.
 Local house in street behind mine also three bedrooms but with bigger garden and semi detached had offer accepted on it for 90k. A 17k drop.  Bow Locks.

I can't go lower than 97k and then I will be losing money anyway.  Am dropping 18k as it is plus estate agents fees and early resettlement fee and moving costs. Lucky If I am able to scrap 5k back form my original deposit. Also I  have a smaller garden, and am terraced.

Its truly shite but you just have to get on with the cards you are dealt.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

Update! Self indulgent whiny me - backside kicked ...... a bit!

Thanks for the replies ladies !!! Have given self a bit of a talking to and tutted at self,  stared in mirror and have given myself knowing looks and head shakes.

A small silver lining - I only have to pay for the speed course - £85-  not the fine as well.  I have to wait to get a number  from Cumbria constabulary then book my speed course so payment is not all at once. Paid the mechanic the £140.

We have an NHS appointment. I don't think they are as thorough as private as quickly but its something. As of November we  have the being in the same area  for longer than a weekend issue  House needs to go byeees for so so many reasons.

I have a date for my central heating - 10/11th August. Additional radiator for the bathroom which should help with the mould on the ceiling from condensation will cost £300. In fact would this help or would a fan type thing be better????

I am seeing a new estate agent 17th Aug. They are not local but a national company called Sell Quick - we'll see what they say. I am not convinced at all by estate agents not at all.

Weeny girl's dad wants her for full weekends. Friday and Saturday night starting this weekend. B and I will spend some time together Sat Night. We are going to Sheffield. It is the beginning of the football season. B off to a match. Only a few hours he doesn't do drinking before the game or after just the football. I may book shop or mooch around charity shops. Might get him to drop me off in Hillsborough and I'll mooch. We have  to return a rug I purchased on the last visit - its moulting chunks of cord  stuff - its a funky rug - don't ask!

I am chubby and weigh more than a stone than I did this time last year.  I need to tackle this in as cheap a way as possible.

Good things that have made me smile!!!!

  1. Nice visit from Biggles mother - we had days out over the weekend - popped to the beach every day ! Weeny girl happy as a pug in muck!
  2. Harvested a small crop of home grown potatoes all from a Sainsburys bag!!! Next time will spread them out a bit!!!
  3. Red currants! I made super sweet red currant and elder flower sorbet!!1
  4. An old honeydew melon left behind by Mother B  became Melon and mint sorbet!!! Goes really well with a small dollop of redcurrant sorbet!
  5. Making fairy cakes with a fail proof recipe!!! with weeny one. we are liking that at the moment!
Off to GP tomorrow - going to ask for some happy pills.... again - (not the first time but I can recognise the signs) and something to help me sleep. I fret til late at night  and wrench myself from the point  of sleep with thoughts of what if... and I am wide awake again. My brain has a mind of its own lol.

I hope to get to see my Mum in September. Its really shite I don't have the money to visit her. 3hr + drive there and back eats petrol and I just don't have it at the moment.

B and I are supposed to have a few days off together - we couldn't get our leave to synch - specific demands of my new job,  his leave booked months and months in advance.

House goes - I move with B or  I move to  somewhere more affordable where I can work part time 
(4 days) or term time. Option B involves finding a a new job  or doing a PGCE. - I have my eye on one in (County Durham). This should give me more time to be the parent I want to be, be able to take weeny to swimming lessons, ballet etc etc 

PG or sell the house or both asap. No need for the silly pills then eh!
I would be just too lucky then and that's really not me!


Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Well this ain't the plan...

Ha when I left the ejaculation weeny was 8 months old. she was planned.  He was a bag of shite from  approx 20weeks gestation. I decided to go it alone.

The plan was to move out, buy a house, work full time till weeny was due to start school ( September 2012) then reduce my hours to term time.  The pay off for leaving my small child at nursery working full time making the sacrifices was that I would get to spend quality time when she was older - 4-5ish and would remember it more and need it more quite frankly. The plan was to work hard, be frugal pay off debt, make headway with the house before reducing hours and pay. I was doing ok. But that was last year. Thanks to that tory twat who shall remain nameless I was made redundant nearly a year ago. Ok I thought while under threat - new life plan required!!! House on market, look at living in cheaper areas etc etc Consider all options, think outside the box. be prepared to up sticks and  move, return to uni if necessary etc etc etc Find new job as an interim measure- done that twice.

The job is fine - money still no where near as good as I had previously and also further away. I am unable to get to work for 8:30 more like 8.40 - 8.45 so am late every day . Currently sneaking in the side enterance. There will also be times when I need to work late. This wil lcost in extra childcare which I will not make back.  I live 45 mins away from work thats after the ten min drive to day care.

Options - longer daycare for weeny one 7:30 start??? 6pm finish???? 10-11hrs a day???? Would have to look at child minders for this.
Starting school is a logistical nightmare which weighs on me. My choice of school is dictated by childcare. And the local school is quite frankly good for childcare, closer but shite for everything else. Practical but pants.

B has a posting to London better than Wiltshire. Our plans are buggerd thanks to this sodding house that no one wants. I can't even give it away.  Happy to loose up to 7k- well not happy but prepared.

I really cannot afford to live here- costs too much in time, money, quality of life for me and weeny- who is still desperate to start school, go to ballet and swimming lessons just like her little pals from two parent families who have supportive relatives- grand parents in the vicinity.

Cant afford to rent it out either.    Can the fairies magic it away please??? leaving a little pot of shiny stuff - not big half of the shiny stuff I put down will do.... ok 1/3rd???

Trying to wrack my brain for a solution but am stumped big time.
Financially I am working at a deficit all the time and will undoubtedly end up in more debt- not spent on clothes, fancy possession but bills, car costs, house repair expenses child care.

And to top ot off irrational little voice inteh head keeps going ''see  you failed again, haven't achieved and won't achieve anything you set out to do... looser, failure, under achiever...'' I know its irrational I shake myself but the naggin glittle twat sneaks in again with his mates regret and guilt to keep me up at night. tossers!


More crap - something nice to report would be a change.

More crap. Got a speeding ticket, speed course to pay for. Yes was speeding by 5 miles on a road I am unfamilliar with in the country- Melmersby in cumbria, Grand total  £145.
MOT for old car to pay - car mechanic was very late getting the bill out and I really don't think this one is paid.  £139

So £300 so far.

There goes the private clinic - £ 285

I have never had so much debt in addition:

I owe M £3k
I owe B £900
I owe CC £900

I am not saving for anything as I have debt to pay.

Its been over 12 months since I was put at risk of redundancy. 11 months since I put the house on the market and I have  dropped 17k off the price. Dropping anymore and I will be making a loss if it ever sells.

I need to pay for the following in the coming months

Extra radiator approx 250
Car tax ( 115)
Dentist ( I owe 16.50 plus what ever treatment I require)
Shoes for weeny girl ( Clarkes 30 approx) The strap broke on her last ones that still fitted. Unable to be fixed and she is due new ones in September.

Am completely pig sick of it all. Wish I  had some nice stuff to show for the debt  lol but I don't.
Oh well - teeth gritted, tears wiped, fists clenched. Feck it!

Oh and to top it off the straw that broke the camels back was that my online bank was unable to show me a statement.