Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Blog - living on a dot!


Interesting blog - living on a remote pacific island

Easter and wanderings and a mental descent.

Am busy once again - or rather have been. Toodled off to London and had a lovely time with B. We came back for two days then we were off againt to visit my family in Clackmananshire ( may be two n's hmm) over Easter. B and I managed an evening away sans small girl. Off we went to Fort William for the night - cheap hotel overlooking loch - some steak in Fort William itself and beers.  Back via Glen Coe the following day to spend time with family. All rather lovely. We came back to Northumberland on Monday and B has left to go to London till Friday.

We are skint - both of us. The car continues to require work, I paid some bills etc etc so auterity it is till the end of the month.

I have looked out lots to ebay - mostly clothes that are in good nick that are too small for me these days.

I shall do this for a few extra pennies when I get my phone upgrade. I am without camera. I can up grade next week so expect some pics soon.

On a person level I  have a bad case of the holiday blues ...I hope its the holiday blues. I am doing that life thing reflection thing which I shouldn't as I compare the real with the wanted and I have bottomed out on all accounts.

Am not sure how I want to change my life for the better now or what I should do - its very murky, financially as well as morally - whats best for small girl etc may not be what I want and she does take precedence.

Sigh..... one thing being different may have helped only one I don't expect to get everything I wanted when I was younger and thought about life goals/ ( They were never that grand anyway to be honest ).  I get into that circle of well you made a complete mess of it and just go round and round.   Bugger. DID I forget my meds??? I don't think so. Maybe I need stronger ones.

Lost money
Debt ( ok am paying them off slowly but have had to borrow money form friends and family to keep nasty creditors away after redundancy and negative equity)
no savings
no career to speak of - I am nearly 40 and want to be settled work wise instead I am considering retraining  and more debt, stress, relocating etc
I have missed bringing up my daughter by working full time since she was 8 months old and it has all been for nothing. I have nothing to show for those sacrificed years. She will be my only child and I am bitter about this.
It is unlikely that I will ever own property and as such no investment and -no early payment of mortgage and as such no early downsizing, no possibiity of living without mortgage or rent etc etc etc

I may change my blog back to existence.

Yah boo sucks have that sodding wedding at the end of the month as well. What a waste of money when people are starving in other countries. It is a rather large very formal wedding with a marquee and everything shipped in including catering etc etc etc  OMFG how much!!!!

I dread to think.

Anyhoo I may feign illness...............:-P