Thursday, 29 September 2011


bit late but will update you as to how the cheapie caravan break went. Bloody awful. Booked and in terms and conditions they disclaim that they cannot guarantee that you will nto get a room that has not been smoked in. Fair dos - a few fags, a bit of an airing sorted.

Nope - the gulag we got stank of smoke 0 was fetid. I complained  as there were no  non smoking signs hence tabbers/ faggers/ smokers will smoke as there are no signs!!! or is it noted in the literature that you receive or  in the non existent welcome pack.

The apartment was smelly and shabby beyond belief. no cover on the mattress. The door frame was giving way - so I was worried about security for my self and small girl. It was also dirty. There was black grime in the corners of the room and along the skirting board - I checked a few shelves and it was filthy. The carpet had not been hoovered- I took pictures of leaves, crumbs, mud on the sofa.

We didn't arrive till late so had to stay on enight before I asked to be either moved or the apartment thoroughly cleaned. I can cope with shabby if it is clean! The smell of strong disinfectant/bleach would get rid of some of the stale smoke smell. The apartment was not cleaned . And by the time I returned there was nothing I could do - reception/customer services had gone home. I did not stay . I left and checked into alternative accomodation. ( night 2). I went back to reception  the following day and was advised that the apartment had been cleaned - It had not . I took pictures of the same spots and looked for the same evidence every time No clean - or not a very thorough one at all. There were tab dumps -fag butts outside of the window and there were many fag butts.   they said they could not guarantee I would have a less smelly room if they changed apartments.  I left.

Am sorry but plenty of other caravan parks can guarantee non smoking accomodation. What about smoke detectors???  signs???? Smoking shelters outside??? Bins for ciggarette ends seven paces form the apartments??? Fo gods sake HAVEN move with the times.

I have another break booked for March. I will be seeking a full refund for both.
So I am complaining - loudly to head office, the park

More recently  My mum has not been well and was admitted to hospital ( She is in a care home and has advanced dementia and alzheimers) I made a mercy dash but there is little I can do. I spoke to doc  as I am POA but the others who live closer have taken over now. Its awful and tragic and horrible and foul disease and I pray for her to be taken painlessly, peacefully and for her to have the serenity and  dignity of a calm passing. She gets so very agitated sometimes. She has no quality of life, is unable to recognise anyone, take part in anything, eat solid tasty food or attain happiness or joy from anything. She is doubly incontinent, unable to walk, she is contracted and stiff and to move her is difficult and causes her pain and discomfort and fear.

My car insurance is due  - quote £904!!! I think not - will be shopping around. 
I need a utilites deal however am not sure about the hassle of changing and paying off bills and starting again.  Hmmm Now is the time  to do it most likely as I should be in credit from summer.

Second house viewing - same couple.  Fingers crossed.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The plan to utilize biggles house when he is in London is knackered. he will get less of an allowance to return to see me if classed as it not being his home. If it is classed as his home I lose child benefit and child tax credit which covers child care. Bugger and drat. need to rethink yet again. I was hoping to recoup some losses having nil rent. May have to rent for a while while job searching etc etc  etc. Makes sense to rent closer to work but in a nice area with nice schools. Also means weeny will have double upheaval then more upheaval. We need to have a long think about it. Really don't want to get married again. The whole thought leaves me cold- I really do not like weddings and was crap at marriage.

Boo boo and tits and booo! Hey am probably worrrying over nowt as house prob won't sell ... Viewing went ok. We shall have to wait and see.

Saturday, 24 September 2011


PLodding on..... I have a house viewing tomorrow which is an excellent development however given that the house is on the market for 88k ten grand under the price I paid I do  feel some resentment.... just as I do when I have to clean and tidy and do DIY jobs in order to try to achieve a sale. I will walk away with out debt but with nothing, no nest egg, savings or anything to show for the time spent here. My motivation is low and the resentment at having to get up early to clean floors and make my cheapo priced house more attractive to buyers is great.  I am very very grumpy but praying for a sale.....

Still no further forward on where I will go to. Work going fine, Supposed to be going to Scotland next week but ....... finances, issues etc etc etc 

Work is fine p still too far away and under paid but the actual job itself is challenging, varried and I seem to be doing ok and getting things done  my staff seem happy and working well too so fingers crossed.  But long term its not on balance with other things enough for me to stay around for even if I did live closer to  work..... sigh!

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Haven't managed to do the gas bill yet. difficult to get an enthusiasm for anything at the moment. apart from stuff with weeny but even that is difficult sometimes.

I kind of caved with the ex. He came to the pool to collect her. She was tired as had had a bad night with her eczema and rubbing her eyes after touching the cat - never good makes her eyes swell up. . She wasn't happy and given the crap of the past few weeks it was to be expected. Anyway  encouraged her to go with the provision that if she would not settle then ring me and I will get her. It happened he called, I went. I used the opportunity to speak civilly with ex -  GF not to be seen was at work. HE rang as agreed. fair dues. He does this and puts her first that's fine. Agreed to return to simply one night a weekend. he knows how demanding Weeny can be - at 3/4 they still need a lot of input especially when they are on their own. Older kids just not the same to play with.

We will go back to that. He doesn't want to do the early morning swimming for the sake of a quiet life till I move i will drop off after swimming.  We agreed it with provision that if I have to go away and its his weekend may consider doing full weekends as a one of case by case basis but that he doesn't have to do swimming lessons. He is a lazy tosser.

I really need to move soon. This house needs to go for whatever I get as long as I have no debt I shall be happy.

Am thinking Scotland would be best for Weeny due to family. Not great for me and work opp's or  B for commuting to where ever at weekends.

I really don't know how much longer I can last financially or otherwise doing this. Too much stress. I need to be settled somewhere. For good. With for good in mind Scotland makes more sense.

I want come calm some equilibrium back. inner calm to know where I am going in life physically and spiritually.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Gas estimate!

ha I gave a gas reading a while ago when I was supposed to be registered for dual fuel. I am not. I received a bill today - estimated. Gas estimation: 000058. Actual 00008. Ha - I do not own the forty odd quid they want/estimated my use as.

Shall rig them tomorrow with my tiny reading and an elec one. Use minimal utilities. heating will only come on if it goes below 15degrees. We are jumper wearers and go to bed early- all together to save money and watch TV in bed! Its cosy! You use one room at a time - go figure!

I shall investigate price deals as well. Any recommendations?

Other than that have not heard from twat creature regarding access and picking up at the weekend. If I have not heard by 9am Sat I am off to visit my sister. I shall purchase cheap petrol and drive to Stirlingshire ( Scotchlanders)

We spent an hour at the beach today. It was lovely - the sea had breakers and the tide was coming in . I am teaching weeny to have mucho respect for the sea. We created a beach art octopus from shells and seaweed and beach detritus!  Explored sand dunes, hunted for a bear and found a rabbit hole. Making the best of the light still available in the evenings. Though with a torch it would be really exciting trip!!  methinks - in good weather of course sans wind being the main priority!

I hope he does not get in touch and plays arse wipe stubborn git I am not picking up my daughter as its a responsibility that should be shared. Yeah and all the others like wiping of brows, taking time off work when ill, taking on holiday, broadening horizons, swimming etc thats all my responsibility. Fecker that he is.

Options for the future on sale of brick and mortar

1. Move to scotchland - closer to family but difficult for B to get home at weekends, less work for me in the area - they have funny systems in scotchland and are a bit picky
2. Move to Sheffield - closer to family, easier for B, central, more work available for me
3. London - hmmm not sure it would be very temporary ( 1 yr) though not a bad thing, but by the time we got there it would be time to move again and would necessitate doing marriage paperwork which neither of us want to do again - we are happy without it and don't want to spoil things but B's job dictates.... Grrrr Australian RAF are much more forward thinking!NO need for paperwork!
4. County Durham - PGCE course - optional not guaranteed, one friend and her husband in the vicinity.

Maybe buy a house in Sheffield - rent it out, live at B's till I move to County Durham for PGCE and rent there....... not at all the first option, the one we really want but we have to be practical and what we want may not happen ever not so far anyway so as an alternative what do we do......especially thinking about family., finances, Weeny...................

Hey ho - fingers crossed arse wipe doesn't bother ........ I hope so much he doesn't bother though that's not nice for weeny. I have churning just thinking about him. Errr YUK


Monday, 12 September 2011

So far..... and its gets.....

better/worse  dunno yet.

Weeny - Due to have contact with the toilet paper that poses as a father this weekend if he can collect her and drop her back. I am resolute that I shall not do it. I ohysically could not make the journey knowing that I am to hand my child over- the most precious in my world!

I have agreed to do mediation and also seen a solicitor.

He is revolting and makes me want to vomit. I have a meeting in October with a mediator, then we have mediation at some point after that. Whatever really. House sells he will not bother his backside if I am far enough away.

Doctors went ok - I have clomid for next cycle and the one after that  then its London Calling for B  and the MOD opposite the  London Eye. Test results good  - well better than previous and FSH 5.9 not bad for nearly 39 and past it lol.

Looking forward to weekends in London - Weeny and I that is. B be home most weekends. Will mothball his place and live here as he will be technically living in London.

House please please sell - I don't care how much - just leave me free to move and start again away from here.

I could be really really happy but its just out of my reach......... all the elements are there...... who knows....