Sunday, 20 May 2012

My poor cousin.... RIP

My poor cousin died today. She took an overdose and was found this morning. She was only 42... just.  She had two grown up children  - 19 and 22 and a grand daughter. She had been unhappy in her marriage for a long time and was scared at the prospect of  leaving I think. She had always worked part time. She had her family very young and gave up full time work for a long long time.  She had no career to speak of or qualifications and so leaving her husband must have been a very scary option. He had control of the finances apart from her meagre part time wage which was her 'pin money'.

She lived quite far away from me but we kept in touch through more often than not Face book. I am thinking this was a cry for help gone wrong. According to to my uncle She had had an argument with her daughter who had said she would stop her from seeing her grand daughter.  Silly daughter talking rubbish in the heat of the moment. In her right mind she would have known that this was a hot headed young girl being silly who could not do with out the help of her mum.  I believe there was alcohol involved later that evening. Alcohol is evil and can colour any ones judgement especially if you have a few underlying self esteem issues as well. She loved her kids very very much and they were the reasons she stayed with her moody bottom lip dropping husband all these years.  She would never  in her right mind have wanted her daughter to feel responsible for this. Her husband well that's a different story as you can tell I thought he was a nob. He was scared of wasps and would run from them. No allergies- just plain chicken namby pamby weed. Only ever had bubonic plague versions of man flu and would huff worse than any four year old who doesn't like taking turns.  Though I never saw it I would bet my life he wouldn't be any good for her self esteem. He reminded me of a real life Ian Beale.  I doubt he ever offered encouragement to anything outside of the home or more than part time in sainsburys stacking shelves. I know he was jealous minded and paranoid.  Not violent but a prat and a nasty little prat at that. Leaving him would be so very scary. She had never lived alone before. She was also three hours journey time from her parents or sister and had been for years. I'm sure he wanted to move to get away from the other family - ie her family. 
Its so very tragic and a such a waste. My uncle is shell shocked. You should never have to bury your children. An old saying but right.  My auntie cannot speak. My dear old mum would be devastated. My Uncle was her youngest brother. She was the oldest and the only girl so second mum to the youngest two kids by all accounts. She adored his kids as well. Both of them but especially his youngest. My cousin was practically at her parents wedding but not quite IYKWIM.

Wish I could have given her the strength and self belief. We can all have a whine and blogger often has a cathartic purpose for me but I'm hardy at the end of the day and some dogs take a deep breath and find their growl again once you have booted them. My cousin wasn't like that.  I hope she has found peace but given the circumstances of her passing I don't know if that will be.

Feeling thankful for hardiness and a stubborn streak.

XXXX night peeps.