Tuesday, 24 May 2011

As pissed off as a pissed off thing in a most pissed off thing competition!

Money, families- biggest bane of my life.  I got lumbered with Power of attorney for my mum. This means I get the pleasure of her banking., Add in family to this mix and yes it was a time bomb. I knew this and wanted nothing to do with it but had no choice as I was the only party available to do it. I have no interest in money - I had enough with my own frugality and attempts to keep out of the financial mire thank you very much.  My preference would have been completely different but like I said no choice. Anyway have basically been berated for my efforts at book keeping which yes were pants but I warned all those involved of Mums failing health and problems and I was left to deal with it on my own.

 I have been accused of mislaying 40k. Family yet again!!! (Ha I wish - wouldn't be whinging about my 11yr old car or ridiculous mortgage payments if I had and would have had a few interesting holidays, a new kitchen, central heating  lol lol)

My book keeping system is rubbish. However to avoid bank charges and get the best rate of exchange etc I would withdraw funds and hand over cash to the relevant member of the family or use my account  to transfer money or pay directly into accounts. There is no paper trail. Why???... family. You don't bother with a paper trail.

I can account for the expenditure and know where it has gone. - house renovations in order to find tenants, cash sent  to a number of accounts for parental upkeep to avoid bank charges..... I pay for things in cash if possible - cheaper- so that's a withdrawal made by me. receipts for house renovations from2007/8 are missing. I have moved twice, had three homes and had a baby since mum left in 2007. I worked full time from Weeny girl being 8 months old, had housework, washing, shopping and all the other domestic stuff to accomplish as well as buying a house,  single parenting, moving twice with a baby in tow . The throw everything into a tin filing system has fallen down.

Ok my point. I have given a general rundown re cash and  budgets on several occasions to interested parties but  I am supposed to flagellate myself and worry myself to death over what I cannot change- my long past accounting system. Accordingly its for my own good and no one thinks I have borrowed the money surreptitiously!!. This is bollocks.  Its about where is my money!!! (My gut instinct all along was to say get a financial adviser in to do some care fees planning to pay for mums care in this country  then no one had to do this but such is life)  Family being perfect and supreme beings have every item receipted and accounted for all monies they received  listed, budgeted but then again its nice to have time for pilates and a book club and not to have to do domestics, small child care etc etc. If I had had the time there is so much I could of and would of done and not just keep orderly accounts and if I had had the ability... well that's another story.  And being perfect never making mistakes well I should just try harder to be more like them.I have sent out copies of rent statements and emails re renovation work. I am sick of having to repeat myself,.

Upshot is I have had enough. Supposedly I am on facebook/blogging all the time and could have done more.... yeah and less pilates and book club and a trip home in 2006 might have changed everything..... Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

So am pondering ''need''... how much do I need to have this in my life and the answer is not at all. I have the joys of  new job, house selling, ex s to  deal with, my own finances to  run,   some relationship and personal stuff, weeny girl to raise, a garden to keep, friends and family to see. I have no time for this. To be spoken to like that, to be insulted, to be patronised. My self esteem is fragile and dependant on medication enough as it is.

I will complete the last few responsibilities re assessments for mum then I am passing over all documentation and washing my hands of it all.  never ever again.  Its late and I am unable to sleep . This point says it all and it is the final straw for me. what would really be the purpose of continuing this relationship I ask myself.... and I struggle to find an answer.

 I really need to find my happy place again. How dare someone effect your life so much that you can't sleep and have a  knot in your stomach.... ''but all I said I ......''can hear the echoes already and they are so familiar and even in apology the tone is so patronising..... Time Gentlemen please methinks.