Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Well this ain't the plan...

Ha when I left the ejaculation weeny was 8 months old. she was planned.  He was a bag of shite from  approx 20weeks gestation. I decided to go it alone.

The plan was to move out, buy a house, work full time till weeny was due to start school ( September 2012) then reduce my hours to term time.  The pay off for leaving my small child at nursery working full time making the sacrifices was that I would get to spend quality time when she was older - 4-5ish and would remember it more and need it more quite frankly. The plan was to work hard, be frugal pay off debt, make headway with the house before reducing hours and pay. I was doing ok. But that was last year. Thanks to that tory twat who shall remain nameless I was made redundant nearly a year ago. Ok I thought while under threat - new life plan required!!! House on market, look at living in cheaper areas etc etc Consider all options, think outside the box. be prepared to up sticks and  move, return to uni if necessary etc etc etc Find new job as an interim measure- done that twice.

The job is fine - money still no where near as good as I had previously and also further away. I am unable to get to work for 8:30 more like 8.40 - 8.45 so am late every day . Currently sneaking in the side enterance. There will also be times when I need to work late. This wil lcost in extra childcare which I will not make back.  I live 45 mins away from work thats after the ten min drive to day care.

Options - longer daycare for weeny one 7:30 start??? 6pm finish???? 10-11hrs a day???? Would have to look at child minders for this.
Starting school is a logistical nightmare which weighs on me. My choice of school is dictated by childcare. And the local school is quite frankly good for childcare, closer but shite for everything else. Practical but pants.

B has a posting to London better than Wiltshire. Our plans are buggerd thanks to this sodding house that no one wants. I can't even give it away.  Happy to loose up to 7k- well not happy but prepared.

I really cannot afford to live here- costs too much in time, money, quality of life for me and weeny- who is still desperate to start school, go to ballet and swimming lessons just like her little pals from two parent families who have supportive relatives- grand parents in the vicinity.

Cant afford to rent it out either.    Can the fairies magic it away please??? leaving a little pot of shiny stuff - not big half of the shiny stuff I put down will do.... ok 1/3rd???

Trying to wrack my brain for a solution but am stumped big time.
Financially I am working at a deficit all the time and will undoubtedly end up in more debt- not spent on clothes, fancy possession but bills, car costs, house repair expenses child care.

And to top ot off irrational little voice inteh head keeps going ''see  you failed again, haven't achieved and won't achieve anything you set out to do... looser, failure, under achiever...'' I know its irrational I shake myself but the naggin glittle twat sneaks in again with his mates regret and guilt to keep me up at night. tossers!



  1. Get rid of the little voice. I think you are doing amazingly well, especially in the current economic circumstances. Keep plodding away and it will come right for you. I know this because you seem to have the right approach even though I know that it can be tough at times. Be strong xxx

  2. Banish the voice! Life is tough at the moment and if it's any conciliation you are not on your own, many people are feeling the pinch.

    Keep plodding on as you are doing it all for the best reason in the world, your little bundle of joy!

    X x

  3. I really feel for you, I am really down at the moment as everything seems to be going wrong and its so hard to pick yourself up. you have done amazingly well and have a lovely daughter to show for it. try and keep your chin up and think positive thoughts (really hard I know but im trying) and hopefully we will come out of the other side. take care xx