better/worse dunno yet.
Weeny - Due to have contact with the toilet paper that poses as a father this weekend if he can collect her and drop her back. I am resolute that I shall not do it. I ohysically could not make the journey knowing that I am to hand my child over- the most precious in my world!
I have agreed to do mediation and also seen a solicitor.
He is revolting and makes me want to vomit. I have a meeting in October with a mediator, then we have mediation at some point after that. Whatever really. House sells he will not bother his backside if I am far enough away.
Doctors went ok - I have clomid for next cycle and the one after that then its London Calling for B and the MOD opposite the London Eye. Test results good - well better than previous and FSH 5.9 not bad for nearly 39 and past it lol.
Looking forward to weekends in London - Weeny and I that is. B be home most weekends. Will mothball his place and live here as he will be technically living in London.
House please please sell - I don't care how much - just leave me free to move and start again away from here.
I could be really really happy but its just out of my reach......... all the elements are there...... who knows....
Monday, 12 September 2011
Sunday, 28 August 2011
Weather changed plans
No scarecrows as the weather was awful! Weeny stayed in and player with the little girls form next door - they had a great time. Even went all of 30 50 yards to the park on their own. ( The oldest girl is 6 nearly 7 and the park is so so close and at the back of married quarters so pretty safe - no one has reason to go onto thte estate unless they are visiting - no throughfare.
We will do scarecrows tomorrow.
Weeny doesnt want to go to his next week. We have talked about it. I have gently questioned. she has been upset by last weeks goings on. He really needs to sort this out. He should talk to weeeny about it and his troll beast needs to explain as well and not slag me off in the process as this will not help my poor little one to feel better and understand. he needs to listen t her when she wants to come home and not try to coahc her or cajole her into anything. I am still angry about it but am much more rational now. Never told weeny what was mean't by the 'naughty things' that were said. Thought better of it - no need for her to know.
We wil find out on Thursday whether we should keep on trying to procreate. Have had the gammut of tests so truth will out. Poor B. I am not hopeful . I reckon I am past it.
We will do scarecrows tomorrow.
Weeny doesnt want to go to his next week. We have talked about it. I have gently questioned. she has been upset by last weeks goings on. He really needs to sort this out. He should talk to weeeny about it and his troll beast needs to explain as well and not slag me off in the process as this will not help my poor little one to feel better and understand. he needs to listen t her when she wants to come home and not try to coahc her or cajole her into anything. I am still angry about it but am much more rational now. Never told weeny what was mean't by the 'naughty things' that were said. Thought better of it - no need for her to know.
We wil find out on Thursday whether we should keep on trying to procreate. Have had the gammut of tests so truth will out. Poor B. I am not hopeful . I reckon I am past it.
Loooong weekend...
Swimming = £78!!! Oh well she is worth it and the skills she will learn are valuable and will last a lifetime.
Flat tyre - have called roadside assistance to change it- might as well I pay for it and never use it! Will have to buy a new sodding tyre however. grump grump grump!!!!
Off to scarecrow festival. I will take juice but will indulge in cake and sausage rolls - home made and reasonably priced and to support he village green/hall etc etc Need to purchase a cup of tea at least. Only fair the villagers put in so much effort.
Tomorrow - will be a house day - lots to organise for next week. We are out and about on Tuesday doing bits and bob.
Friday Weeny and I went to Durham to see chums and to scope it out as a possible place to move to /invest in if as and when I sell this house. Sigh.... potential- cheap, greenish not as pretty as northumberland but not bad at all.
Also we had our hospital appt -and are seeing consultant on 1st September see what we have to play with in the breeding department. Can help us make decisions re houses, money, careers etc etc we have to much happening at the same time.
Mediation request sent out. My gut churns every time I think about next weekend......any contact/conflict with the drongo ex and the she drongo and feel like pants. Weeny not that bothered so far and has not used the d word at all.
When have talked she is still not happy that I didn't come and get her like I promised I would.
See what happens.....
Flat tyre - have called roadside assistance to change it- might as well I pay for it and never use it! Will have to buy a new sodding tyre however. grump grump grump!!!!
Off to scarecrow festival. I will take juice but will indulge in cake and sausage rolls - home made and reasonably priced and to support he village green/hall etc etc Need to purchase a cup of tea at least. Only fair the villagers put in so much effort.
Tomorrow - will be a house day - lots to organise for next week. We are out and about on Tuesday doing bits and bob.
Friday Weeny and I went to Durham to see chums and to scope it out as a possible place to move to /invest in if as and when I sell this house. Sigh.... potential- cheap, greenish not as pretty as northumberland but not bad at all.
Also we had our hospital appt -and are seeing consultant on 1st September see what we have to play with in the breeding department. Can help us make decisions re houses, money, careers etc etc we have to much happening at the same time.
Mediation request sent out. My gut churns every time I think about next weekend......any contact/conflict with the drongo ex and the she drongo and feel like pants. Weeny not that bothered so far and has not used the d word at all.
When have talked she is still not happy that I didn't come and get her like I promised I would.
See what happens.....
Thursday, 25 August 2011
Saturday morning swimming lessons!!
Weeny will be a duckling! Saturday morning slot is now free!!! I am so looking forward to it!!! Only half an hour between 8:30 - 9am but should be great. She loves the water. Got a call out of the blue from the leisure centre. Ok so its another early rise but well well worth it.
We sort out dates and payment next week. not cheap but worth it!
Away to Durham for the evening tomorrow with weeny. B is working this weekend :-(. All sodding weekend. We have a hospital appointment tomorrow but a bit pointless really given the house situation and that his new posting starts in December.
Sigh enjoy whilst we can.
We sort out dates and payment next week. not cheap but worth it!
Away to Durham for the evening tomorrow with weeny. B is working this weekend :-(. All sodding weekend. We have a hospital appointment tomorrow but a bit pointless really given the house situation and that his new posting starts in December.
Sigh enjoy whilst we can.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat!
Always in the shit only the depth varies!
Mediation referral in!
Cheque from Scottish power received.
Weeny got docs tomorrow. Also need to bite the bullet and get her name down for a nursery school me thinks. Want her to start asap prob too late for September now. Won't be the RC school that I really want due to lack of child care for after school.
House dropped with old estate agent- might as well get the best out of them. Other agents are positive- checked out a third agent re price and that should drum up interest.
Can only wait and see.
Need to get on with electrical stuff and decorating. before carpet dude on Tuesday. I may not make camping again with Weeny this year. Oh well we have a caravan week in September.
Bank hols- we are off to the scarecrow festival in Rennington. We catch a dreadnaught vintage bus - the scarecrow express to Rennington. This means driving to Alnwick to leave the car to catch the bus to a village only a few miles away from where we live. Weeny loves the bus, or trains - haven't tried trams yet next time we are in Sheffield.
I like the latin quote it sums up my year.- nearly a year since made redundant and the shit really hit the fan.
Mediation referral in!
Cheque from Scottish power received.
Weeny got docs tomorrow. Also need to bite the bullet and get her name down for a nursery school me thinks. Want her to start asap prob too late for September now. Won't be the RC school that I really want due to lack of child care for after school.
House dropped with old estate agent- might as well get the best out of them. Other agents are positive- checked out a third agent re price and that should drum up interest.
Can only wait and see.
Need to get on with electrical stuff and decorating. before carpet dude on Tuesday. I may not make camping again with Weeny this year. Oh well we have a caravan week in September.
Bank hols- we are off to the scarecrow festival in Rennington. We catch a dreadnaught vintage bus - the scarecrow express to Rennington. This means driving to Alnwick to leave the car to catch the bus to a village only a few miles away from where we live. Weeny loves the bus, or trains - haven't tried trams yet next time we are in Sheffield.
I like the latin quote it sums up my year.- nearly a year since made redundant and the shit really hit the fan.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Mind change
Will revert back to once a fortnight on a saturday till sunday - same old and do as always did with proviso of mediation. Also will not be dropping off - will meet half way prob Warkworth by the ducks. Still doing mediation and moving as soon as possible.
Mediation
Am going to offer mediation to the Sperm Donor.
I am happy for weeny to:
1. Stay alternate full weekends with the proviso of flexibility if she has special play dates, parties etc etc particularly if he happens to be working or attending a special function and her sister is not there. I count a derby football match as ok many would not but I get how important it is to him and others who are football fans. A cup game unless it was a final or semi would not count. i am happy to be flexible on date changes or reductions for what ever reason. Doesn't have to be one for me. I am a mother.
2. Weekday contact - have always been happy for this but he has said no. She is in child care till 6pm everynight. he could pick her up anytime and I can collect her. if would also solve the after school activities thing - he could take her to swimming lessons. Most dads would be happy to watch their child learn to swim.
3. I also want the open critiscism of me ( and Biggles) in front of the chidren to stop. The girlfriend's son hears it and tells Weeny that his mum and Sperm Donor are saying naughty things about me and B. This MUST STOP. We do not and never have done this. B is an expert in this having had step parents and not having contact with his father and going through a messy divorce as a child and has insight. He is very stong on what not to do and also his role in weeny's life. He is very secure in that he has a special relationshp with her that is their own- not mine, not sperm donors but theirs.
I will offer contact in a neutral place - soft play. I am happy to leave them for an hour or more for one to one contact and her sister is invited of course . I will FB message sisters mum to see if they want to meet up but I know this may get her into trouble and annoy him so may not happen.
Bless B . He is just lovely. After my estate agent fees and issues he posted a cheque through my door for £300 to be added to the interest free loan. I cried. I am very lucky.
Got a good progesterone level - okish 54??? So will take that to specialist on Friday .
Feeling much happier after rant and more in control. House hopefully will sell asap and new chapters can begin. If this happens and I move to an hours drive away will still accomodate contact of some sort some how.
Also made contact with my sister. We fell out a while ago and probably will never be the same but life is too short and her fab daughter got ace GCSE results - IGCSE's come out earlier than normal GCSE's as they are international! All A's and A stars except the B for Malay 1 mark from an A and a C grade for Additonal maths which was very theory maths and was an extra IGCSE.
I am happy for weeny to:
1. Stay alternate full weekends with the proviso of flexibility if she has special play dates, parties etc etc particularly if he happens to be working or attending a special function and her sister is not there. I count a derby football match as ok many would not but I get how important it is to him and others who are football fans. A cup game unless it was a final or semi would not count. i am happy to be flexible on date changes or reductions for what ever reason. Doesn't have to be one for me. I am a mother.
2. Weekday contact - have always been happy for this but he has said no. She is in child care till 6pm everynight. he could pick her up anytime and I can collect her. if would also solve the after school activities thing - he could take her to swimming lessons. Most dads would be happy to watch their child learn to swim.
3. I also want the open critiscism of me ( and Biggles) in front of the chidren to stop. The girlfriend's son hears it and tells Weeny that his mum and Sperm Donor are saying naughty things about me and B. This MUST STOP. We do not and never have done this. B is an expert in this having had step parents and not having contact with his father and going through a messy divorce as a child and has insight. He is very stong on what not to do and also his role in weeny's life. He is very secure in that he has a special relationshp with her that is their own- not mine, not sperm donors but theirs.
I will offer contact in a neutral place - soft play. I am happy to leave them for an hour or more for one to one contact and her sister is invited of course . I will FB message sisters mum to see if they want to meet up but I know this may get her into trouble and annoy him so may not happen.
Bless B . He is just lovely. After my estate agent fees and issues he posted a cheque through my door for £300 to be added to the interest free loan. I cried. I am very lucky.
Got a good progesterone level - okish 54??? So will take that to specialist on Friday .
Feeling much happier after rant and more in control. House hopefully will sell asap and new chapters can begin. If this happens and I move to an hours drive away will still accomodate contact of some sort some how.
Also made contact with my sister. We fell out a while ago and probably will never be the same but life is too short and her fab daughter got ace GCSE results - IGCSE's come out earlier than normal GCSE's as they are international! All A's and A stars except the B for Malay 1 mark from an A and a C grade for Additonal maths which was very theory maths and was an extra IGCSE.
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